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Saturday 31 January 2015

Just Do Something

When I was little, I thought that I would have all of my life figured out by 20. I thought that everything good would happen to me, by then, no doubt, I would be a famous writer, by then, no doubt, I would be changing the world into a better place, by then, no doubt, my life would great, interesting, full of adventures and different. 
I'll be completely honest with you. A few months ago I got my first proper job. I loved it and I thought that I could do this forever when I first started. Of course I got my usual wanderlust, my restlessness that I get pretty much every week, and there were days when I was so tired that it was hard to smile but still I loved my job and I enjoyed it.
I lost my job a few weeks ago.


it's a really strange feeling to lose your job. You keep on reminding yourself 'it's not personal' but it is personal because your employees are talking about your work ethic, the way you are, whether or not you fit or whether or not this job is working out for them having you do it. You feel like a failure, you think to yourself 'I'm 20, I should have this stuff figured out by now' and suddenly you have a lot of time on your hands. What do you do? You don't understand, suddenly you don't have a plan for the future, you have no clue what's up ahead and that is really scary, no matter how grown-up you try to be. What do you do? You think of all of the dreams you had as a kid, those superficial dreams that died a long time ago with Christ, those dreams that still exist today and you still wish on a star, even if you don't believe it, you just pretend to because it is comforting. You think of all the things people tell you to do but it's so hard to follow their advice in the daytime. 'travel while you're young because you'll never get the chance again, go and write that book, write that poem, take that course, get an education and get into hopeless debt, get a job, find something that you love to do,  if there is that job there take it,can't depend on the economy dear, a job is a job, follow your dreams, but a job is a job, follow your dreams, but a job is a job'. It goes on and on and usually repeats itself like a song stuck on repeat. What do you do? You either listen to people or ignore them. Take the advice that is good, hard but true and try that out. Ignore all of the advice that was kindly given but doesn't apply to you. Of course that is easier said than done. Easier said than done, though if you think about it, applies to pretty much every situation you can think of. What do you do? Travel if you got the money and time to do so. If you can't travel to another country, go somewhere, take a walk, take a hour and walk, just you and God, no one else. What do you do? go and write that book, write that poem. You won't write that poem or that book in a day or a week, it will take years probably but start on it now, now while you have some time. What do you do? You just need to do something. Travel, take that walk, write that book, write that poem, do what you have to do. Get that job and follow that dream if possible but just do something. Something is better than nothing.

What am I going to do now? At this moment, I don't know, but I'm going to do something.

Saturday 24 January 2015

I'm not Dead

Just a short post to say I am not dead.

I am not dead! *waves excitedly* yay!

So this weekend I was going to post another post (yay!) but it's about something more serious so I wanted this to be an in-between post or something. You ready to have me ramble for a bit? No? too bad.

Lately I have been wondering how productive is my life, how much time do I spend wasting my time on stuff that doesn't really matter in the end. I am wondering why I write. I am wondering why life so quickly gets stale and you so quickly get restless, wanderlust, and you think about how exciting it must be to travel, to write, to do something that you are not doing. I wonder why I get so restless. I wonder why everyone gets restless. I wonder how people can work with so much noise going on when I can only work in silence. I wonder how much people are made in noise and made in silence. I wonder a lot, a lot of important things lately, a lot of serious things, and I sit in my room and I pray and beg for answers.

 I wonder. Why am I so discontent at times when I have everything and most of the things that I need. I have a family who I love and who loves me, I have friends who I love and who loves me, I have Life Everlasting with Jesus Christ, why does my life go so stale so fast?
Maybe you feel the same, maybe you feel restless, you are plagued with wanderlust and with that you can't settle and be content in the here and now. I don't have any answers expect maybe I should try and live my life with this reality blaring in my head.
This is not forever. This is not the end, I am alive, I am not dead. I'm not dead, I am breathing, living, crawling slowly to something eternal and something good. This is not forever.

I am not dead.